Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Bending the knee...




Today, I read another announcement from a young Christian leader welcoming discussion on "why he is dating men" and that he would do this the healthiest way possible because of his relationship with God.

For many people they would embrace this and celebrate his liberty and freedom and yet for me, my heart grieved.  I felt deep sadness in the statement he made.  There was no rejoicing.  My first words out of my mouth were "Lord have mercy!"  I was immediately drawn to the prodigal story.  My thoughts on all of this are for those who are believers...who have been enlightened to the truth of Jesus Christ and the full Gospel. 

Here we have a loving Father who has a son who wants desperately to go his own way.  The son sees all that he has and wants out.  He wants his freedom.  Maybe he felt too confined within the parameters of his Fathers standard.  So his goal is to get what is due him and leave.  So his father gives to him what he is owed (his inheritance) and he goes his own way.  Maybe to find himself...who he really is.  We may think the father would take a passive response...just get on with life, but he would have continually gone to the road to see if his son was coming back...day after day, month after month, year after year.  Maybe people would have mocked the Father...told him to just get on with it, forget about the son, yet I don't see the Father doing that...he waits for the day of his sons return.

Now the son...wanting liberation tries this and that to see what appeals to him.  Living his life to the fullest.  He no longer lives under the confines of his Fathers standard.  He is able to do what pleases him.  He is able to do everything that feels right.  Why would his father not allow him this freedom?  Such a backwards father, stuck in the dark ages of religion, could well have been his thoughts.  Why would a loving Father not allow me to be who I want to be and express that however I feel like?
Until it all crashes around him...when the money is gone...his friends leave and he is left alone.

As I write this...can we link this with an aspect of God handing us over to our desires and our own lusts?  Slowly and inevitably we begin to bend and accept an even broader realm of sexual expression?  We bend our knee not to God but now to a cultural humanistic expression of "what feels good".

What I imagined in this whole scenario and discussion is this:

The "church" the "bride of Christ" is adopting a definition of grace that allows us to go with our feelings.  If we do this then nothing is unacceptable.  Seriously.  Think about it.

I feel attracted to the same gender.  It's not going away as much as I want and so I'm going to still LOVE God with my whole heart and date those of the same gender.  (bending the knee)

I feel attracted to young children and this has never left me.  For as long as I know I have had this attraction so I am going to date young children.  (bending a knee)

I'm married and feel attracted to your spouse and so I'm going to leave my spouse for your spouse.  (bending a knee)

I struggle with same gender attraction and I still feel that attraction, but I'm married.  So I'm going to leave my spouse and take a position that this is what God had for me all along. (bending a knee)

I'm in love with an animal and they love me.  (bending a knee)

I'm in love with my father's wife and she loves me, so we're going to get together.  (bending a knee)

When does the bending stop?  When we begin the dialogue of one issue, we begin the dialogue of another.  We begin to lose the foundation set before us of Godly, healthy sexuality.  Designed and created by God.  Because inevitably, we stop the dialogue!  We stop being generous and gracious!  Because we will view those who hold a standard of faith and a value that sexuality is a sacred and holy expression only in the pastures of a monogamous marriage between one man and one woman as hateful and archaic and unattainable to those in the margins.  That we are being mean and unsympathetic to those who face something different as their reality.  If we welcome the bending of the knee we actually have to lay something down, I have to sacrifice something.  What we lay down is the standard set before us, not from an archaic God who is just out to get us, break us, pound us, enslave us, but one who knows the good of what is best for us in a broken and sinful world.  Who calls us into the fullness of life with Him and to live within the boundary lines that have fallen in good pasture.

Can we use the theory that because we live in a fallen and broken state, if my sexuality is broken than it's okay to embrace my broken sexuality and that God will bring it glory.  We can make license by saying the Church has a double standard, accepting divorced/remarried people to the church but we won't allow gay Christian's there.  These are all excuses to follow our own desires and place ourselves before God.
We proclaim  "God...it's messed up down here, and since you're not doing anything, I will take matters into my own hands...and oh ya...can you bless me too?"  Can you bless my idol worship?

That goes contrary to who God is.  God won't bless idolatry!  Or can he?  You might say...Kenny, that is a hateful thing to say.  But you know what?  If I don't fear God and holiness...I will seek to sooth people.  To pat them and say...ya...that's okay, keep living in the mud and mire and keep saying it's okay and keep saying God will bless it.  But in all honesty can we say that he hands you over?  Things get more muddled and more welcoming and pretty soon, everything that feels good, is good.

I saw this in my own life.  I began believing that same theology.  I listened to the feel good messages of humanism.  Since I always struggled with same gender attraction and God never took it away, I must be gay and I then cannot deny these feelings anymore.  No one had the right to speak what I didn't want to hear.  You needed to bend to my view and if not...you were hateful and unloving.  "Keep your opinion to your self...you self righteous Christian...who excuses all other sin...but mine..."

Some of that was truth...because the bride was looking pretty messy and bending their knee to easy answers and solutions.  Why stay with your spouse after they had an affair?  You have every right to divorce them?
Falling out of love...this is too hard...okay, lets part ways and find our true love and remarry!  Hard realities of truth?  Maybe!

Yet...I saw for myself a different picture of a loving Father who waited for me...but he also released me to go and live contrary to his heart for me.  He never once blessed my actions and said..."Oh Kenny, what you are doing is great!"  He did say this though "I love you with an everlasting love, can you hear me Kenny?  I have so much more that I want to you show...don't settle for this, because this isn't my best for you!"

I see the end result of the prodigal as the young man sitting in the filth and mud of his own making.  His decisions and actions brought him to the mud and mire and he realizes where he is and what he is doing.  He recognizes that even the servants of his father are treated better than this.  Was he remorseful?  Was he repentant?

I think in the loving arms of his father who ran out to greet him with arms full of compassion, tears washing away the mud and mire, soothing the young mans hurt, a father extended grace in the midst of the sons repentance, now being offered much more than he deserved.  How much more is our Father who calls out to us..."My son...My daughter...I love you...come home!  Don't settle for less than what I have for you, which is so much more than what you deserve...COME let me show you My mysterious ways...I'm waiting!"

Thursday, March 07, 2013

Bill 18 Anti-WHAT?



Today, news hit when a large evangelical church in a relatively conservative town was covered in the Winnipeg Free Press.  I hadn't had the opportunity to read the article yet, but I already had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.  When I did read it, it confirmed the sinking feeling.

Having worked for the last 7 years in a ministry which seeks to be a safe and confidential place for those dealing with relational and sexual issues including gender issues, this article didn't sit well with me.

Let me begin by saying that Bill 18 is flawed.  There are many parts of the Bill that will only propagate bullying and in its segregated statements it will only facilitate an us vs them state of mind.  As I read the Bill I wonder about a huge segment of kids left to in the fray of a specific agenda...

...the disabled kid...the fat kid...skinny kid...acne prone kid...the geek...the nerd...the jock...the cheerleader...the slut...the virgin...the fag...the dyke...the fairy...the bucktoothed beaver...the Christian...the Sikh...the atheist...the black...the white...the native...the Asian...and the list goes one!

The Bill is flawed when it comes to 90% of the population who in their own right have a right not to be bullied.  I love groups, especially ones that provide a safe and respectful environment, but this bill has only identified one specific issue...the gay one!  If we can get a handle on this one which is the most prevalent then we've done good....right?  Okay...lets just stop right here for a minute or two.

From the age of 11...bullying began.  I was called every name in the book...tossed around in school...every day (yes every day) until I was 17 I was subjected to ridicule and harassment.  Even some teachers took their insecurities out on me...only to further push me further into a mess of confusion.  Was the school safe for me?  NO.  But neither was the community.  I had a few good friends, but for the most part growing up in small town Manitoba (hockey haven), I didn't fit the mold.  I rubbed up against the insecurity of those around me.  Running the water in the sink with the razor in my hand shocked me and I couldn't do it.  Holding the pills in my hand wanting desperately to pop them and just go to sleep...shook me awake.  Things changed when I switched schools and went to a private one in grade 12...or did they?

Kids were still picked on...having had traumatic experiences of bullying, I could well see subtle and blatant bullying...social standing vs poverty, jock vs geek, but it was subtle and yet still damaging to both the bully and the victim.  Most kids who are bullied also bully!

Even after high school, moving back to my home town, I remember kids chasing me in a vehicle, taunting me, yelling obscenities...why?  Because I was different and they couldn't deal with their insecurity...and most likely they too were bullied!

Years later I came out and proclaimed my gay identity as my right and I was adamant that no one would hurt me, ridicule me or do this to others, regarding their gender, sexuality or for any matter.  I worked for 20 years in the daycare and school system and fought hard to do my part to stop bullying.  I jumped on the EGALE bandwagon and began to see a focus that wasn't healthy.  Sure, this segment of the population needs a safe place...but so does every kid!  Regardless of who or what they are.

Then because of my faith, I chose to not identify myself as gay and sought to understand the complexities of my gender and sexuality, surprisingly I faced bullying again.  Subtle bullying as well as blatant.  I was now taunted and ridiculed by those to whom I fought for!  The ones that were bullied were now bullying me.  Saying I was hateful, a bigot and a liar.  I was slandered and run through the mud.  Even though I have a differing view, I also view everyone's decision to live their life...just that...THEIRS.  Does it affect me?  Sometimes, but I am called to be Christ's hands and feet.  I am called to love my neighbor and we find our commonality in our human-ness a need to feel safe and respected.  When this isn't felt, insecurities and projections and anger rise it's ugly head!

I wonder...ARE YOU GETTING IT?  Do you see a bigger picture in this?  I do!

I see that this Bill 18 is not the answer.  The bigger picture is..."Are our children safe?"  When I sit back and think about that...I don't think they are.  None of us can be there fully for our children 24/7.  They are at risk everywhere they go.  We as parents need to be intentional in EVERYTHING we do.  We need to be involved and not passive as we parent our children.  Who is raising our children?  TV, VIDEO GAMES, TEACHERS, DAY CARES, GOVERNMENT?  We need to be talking with our kids about differences and how in the midst of even our own fears and the complexities of life

Even though Bill 18 is flawed and not the answer, the reality is that there is something much bigger going on.  Is the answer fighting?
Is the answer apathy?

I think people on both sides of this Bill need to see a BIGGER picture of the necessity of keeping ALL children safe from bullying.  Being respectful of a very diverse world with which we live in.

Part of this process is realizing that for years the 'church' has been relatively silent.  Only rising up when something comes close to causing discomfort and uneasiness, but in the silence they have lost their voice of influence.  If you want influence and the ability to speak out about a certain subject, it's walking in the very area you want to be influential.  It's being that safe and respectful place.  It's seeking out wisdom and understanding, it's speaking and being proactive on education and not keeping your head in the sand, hoping the issue will just go away.

When we want to proclaim truth...we need to marry that with the grace extended to us...showing the mercy of Jesus.