Exodus shuts down
Part I
(previously published in the Christian Courier)
On
June 20, when Exodus International announced its closure at the Annual
Freedom Conference, it was big news. Many editorials, blog posts and
news articles have been written about the closure and about the apology
that Alan Chambers extended toward those who have been hurt by the ministry
of Exodus International (see Christian Courier, July 8). I've deliberately taken time to process this before writing
about it myself. I was the Canadian Exodus Regional Representative.
I am grateful that there have been no media requests in regards to that
role, and sense that to be the Lord's hand of protection over myself
and my family.
Before I comment on the closure of Exodus, I need to bring context
to my experience with the organization.
In 2005, God encountered me.
It was life-changing. He met me, a gay-identified man, while I was going
through a tough transition. I feebly cried out to God to help me and
he gave me a choice to leave my Egypt. Would I go through the wilderness
to the promised land, or continue on in the life I had made for myself?
I chose to follow God, and with a joy that I had not experienced before,
I chose to walk away from identifying myself as a gay man and to trust
that God would meet my every need.
Many people couldn't understand my decision; being gay had been my
liberation, which I proudly waved around for all to see. But when I
encountered God, who asked me to live differently, I proudly waved his
banner over my life instead. I chose to be transparent about my journey
with same sex attraction, knowing that life wasn't necessarily going
to be easy or free of struggles -- rather, that I would face my sinful
humanness for the rest of my life.
I attended my first Exodus Conference in 2005 in North Carolina. It
impacted my life! I heard testimonies of people walking the journey
of sanctification. I attended workshops where I learned how to live
a disciplined life and how to honour God with my sexuality. At no time
did I perceive or interpret that I would ever be free of this struggle.
Yet I fully recognize that each individual interprets and perceives
things differently, due in part to their own journey and where they
are at in their lives. God had already told me that life in the wilderness
wasn't going to be easy, but I had this joy and peace that transcended
my own understanding.
Extended family
I met other men and women who shared their own experiences and it
encouraged my faith. I was reminded of Scriptures that speak of always
encouraging and spurring one another on toward the finish line. It was
clear God had placed people into my life to do that, for which I am
forever grateful.
Worship was probably the biggest highlight for me. I wrote in my journal
that I had experienced hundreds of desperate people, who recognized
their desperate need of Jesus! Worship came out of this place and it
was powerful. Why? Because people were taking their eyes off themselves
to worship the one true God.
I spent the next eight years attending both the Exodus International
Freedom Conferences and the Exodus Regional Conferences. I always left
encouraged, built up, strengthened and fed! For the most part, these
conferences gave me a BOOST! I was already knit together with a local
church community: I was known by others and was working in full time
ministry. But these conferences gave me the ability to talk with others
in similar ministry, serve attendees through prayer and encouragement
-- they were like my extended family. They were like those family members
who fully “get” you, even if you don't see them all the time.
Some attendees were not “known” in their local communities, and
so these conferences gave them the ability to be known in a safe environment
where they too could be encouraged and supported.
I think, fundamentally speaking, the breakdown of effectiveness begins
when local churches or church families send people away to receive ministry.
When members have to go outside of their own community to deal with
the messiness of life, regardless of the issues they face, because the
local community isn't equipped to walk closely with those seeking help,
that's not ideal.
I know hundreds of people who struggle with same gender attraction.
Yet, sadly, I only know a handful of people who attended an Exodus Freedom
Conference without having struggled themselves with same gender issues.
Those who did attend are the people who know what it means to become
a safe place for others. They know mess and welcome it, even if they
don't fully know how to minister effectively. What they learned is that
they too need Jesus desperately to meet them as they walk with others.
When Exodus International closed, some people grieved; others rejoiced.
Regardless of your perspective, I am thankful for the role that the
Exodus Freedom Conferences played in my life. I received a spiritual
booster shot, which equipped me to go home to what can be a dry and
weary land.
