Take me to your leader!

Who’s your leader? previously published in Christian Courier

Have you ever been asked to identify your leader? How would you best answer that question? Would you ask for clarification, some perspective as to where the question is coming from? To be honest, I haven’t been asked to think about that very often. In fact, I don’t think it’s ever come up.

In an ever-changing cultural climate, I believe we should be asking that question of ourselves. Examine who is leading your life and the lives of those you love. So let me begin by asking you, “Who is your leader?”

We can answer a variety of ways. We could give the name of our pastor or a leader at church; we might mention a spouse or parent; you might think first of your country’s political leader, elected to rule. Hopefully Christians say that Jesus is our leader, and we have submitted our lives to his perfect plan. Yet is this truly the case?

As I was examining my life, I realized that I can be quick to say that Jesus is my leader; I follow his direction and submit to his authority. If I am honest, however, my human bent is toward “me” being the leader of my life. When I first realized that I was struggling with same-sex attraction, I began to petition God to do something. He needed to change me and wipe away all of this undesired attraction toward the same gender and turn my head to the opposite gender. I really wanted him to guide me like a Genie in a bottle, or wave some magical wand to give me an easier life. I wasn’t too keen on a leader who would ask me to deny my sexual attraction to guys when it felt like it was such an integral part of who I was. In essence God, my leader, was asking me to deny every aspect of my life and follow after his direction for my good and for his glory. That seemed too much like a dictator. The deeper wrestle inside of me was “me.” The question that my human heart was asking was “What’s in it for me?”

Beloved

If we are honest, I believe we all wonder that at some point in our lives, which comes from a rebellious and sinful nature. It’s similar to the serpent in the garden that tempted Adam and Eve with the statement, “A loving God wouldn’t withhold this good from you!” I personally wrestled with this for years. I ate the apple of my own desires and led my life away from God’s best for me. Taking leadership and living my own life felt good, most of the time. It seemed right. I read other people’s views that would validate and orient me toward me continuing to be in control of my own life and destiny.

Then God came and asked if I would elect him as the true leader in my life. I had a decision to make. I could continue to live as the leader of my life or I could begin to trust God that his ways were better than mine. When I placed my trust in him, he began to lead me in a way that was so different than what I expected. First he established that he loved me and this would never change. No matter what I would face or go through, he promised that he would not abdicate his leadership over my life even when his best for me would not feel good. I was tentative with this new relationship and in many respects I still am. There are many times when I take the lead role in my life instead of seeking first the Kingdom. Then I’m thankful that my leader is also my heavenly father who extends mercy and grace instead of punishment.  

So who is your leader? And can you trust God that his ways are better than yours?

Finding Beauty

Get out and smell the flowers.

I love to garden.  I've written about this before and yet, today I am reminded of the glory of being in the dirt and tending to my small garden.

This week I have had a variety of emotions.  These feelings have been all over the map as I listened and read commentaries and ponder the events that have happened in Orlando and other places in the world.  To be honest, this week as I talked with God I told him, "what were we thinking when we thought about having children?"  I just felt overwhelmed with the magnitude of the changes in culture and the raising of a young child. 

How will she fare?  Will she stay firmly grounded in God's love and truth?  Will she be overcome with cultural dictatorship or will she know her Kingdom is eternally set?  Will she foster love in her heart to those who may act on their fear and spew hate?

These questions I cannot answer, but I felt like the Lord tell me "Kenny, don't worry!  Trust that I will continue to finish the work I started in her, just like I am doing for you!"

I can handle that God!  I don't need to have all the answers, nor do I need to know the end result, I just need to trust you.  In this uncertain time in culture, I decided to just get up and move.  I simply got up and went outside and began walking in my tiny garden.  The poppies and lilies, mock orange and peonies are all in bloom and I began to tend the garden.  I made flower arrangements...for no reason but to have beauty in our house.

Essentially, I went out and began smelling the flowers.  It came with making a decision to get up and move and find beautify in the midst of fear and hatred that I sense all around me.

Not just in nature, but in others, there lies beauty.  Sometimes this beauty is hidden in fear, and in some beauty has turned evil, anger and hate filling them with an inability to see good and beauty in others.  Here, the enemy of life has stolen something that was once a treasure to be fostered and embraced.

Today, as you go about your day, take note of the beautiful treasure that lives in you.  Relish the fact that you have been fearfully and wonderfully made, and in this place you are a gift to others around you.  Don't just stop there, but begin to look for the treasure in others.  Is it hidden?  Does it need encouragement to come out of hiding?  Does it need a good dose of JOY and LOVE?  Look for opportunities to bless rather than curse, to love rather than hate. 

Practical ways to do it you say?

When you're in the coffee line, pay for the next persons coffee, tea or whatever!  Pick up some flowers and give them away. (just don't rob people's gardens please!)  Tell someone they are loved and they have value.  Make a meal for someone, offer to babysit, do something practical.  Practice hospitality, invite people over, do a good deed, visit the sick, go to a personal care home and cheer someone up.  Ask someone how they are doing...really doing!  You never know what will come up, and then ask to pray for them.

Be creative and love.  For love covers over a multitude of stuff...and it really does make a difference.

Orlando Loving

Every where you look on social media there is some news on the Orlando shooting.  I saw the faces of the men and women who lost their lives and my heart grieved!  It is a senseless tragedy which no one wishes on anyone.  My deepest condolences to each family and their friends.

I reflect on the fact that 11 years ago, this could have been me.  I frequented gay bars and I enjoyed meeting people, loved to drink and dance my cares away.  I read a write up on one of the victims and she loved going to the bars as she felt like she could just be herself.  I get that!

My prayers are with the families and friends who are now 'missing' those they loved!

My prayers are also with people who use this as a platform to spew ignorance and hate, and to those who use this to paint 'Christian's or people of other faiths' as bigots, homophobic, haters, etc.

I read a report by Neil McDonald, Senior Correspondent from CBC http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/orlando-religion-anti-gay-bigotry-1.3631994?cmp=rss
who writes not on the issue of humanity gone wrong due to hate, but he brings in question of whether or not we need to have a conversation (which he states is overdue) regarding certain religions attitudes toward gays!

He starts the article with the story of the killing of Women in Montreal (a terrible tragedy as well)
and uses it to begin that not just the killing was bad but hatred toward women includes telling jokes about women, smiling at the jokes, or being sexist.  (I agree, but take a look at advertising, media, entertainment and we have a whole lot of growing up to do yet!)

He lays down that this too is where we are landing with gay intolerance, specifically within religions.  He quotes old testament scripture, the city of Sodom, and talks about the Muslim religion, and strongly portrays that homosexuality is an abomination, punishable by death.

He goes on to say "People of faith might ask themselves this; even if they've never so much as lifted a hand to a gay person, have they smiled at a homophobic joke?  Or overlooked mistreatment?  Or nodded during an anti-gay sermon?"

I get that too.  I lived a closeted life in the church for 20 years.  Secretly hoping no one would find out about my conflicting sense of gender and sexuality.  I heard little hope for anyone who struggled with homosexuality and transgenderism.  I eventually came out as a gay identified man (who also struggled with deep gender identity issues) and I had what I viewed as a valid chip on my shoulder.  I had a negative view of religion, and God and I was adamant that I would not be told by anyone how to live my life, and if they judged me, I wrote them off as a bigot, homophobe and a stupid ignorant $&^%#.  (I did have some good friends who identified as Christians who extended authentic love to me during this time!  They remain my dearest of friends!)

Then nearly a decade into this security that I had created for myself, I had an encounter with God, which changed my life.  It was His love, not hate, that propelled me to Jesus!  I submitted my whole life before him and he began to integrate my sexuality, identity, gender and heal and restore some deep wounds. I no longer identify as a gay man.  I continue to struggle with unwanted same sex attraction at times, but it is no longer a heavy weight of shame.  I seek to remain faithful to a God whose faithfulness is far greater than mine.  Whose love is beyond compare.

As I fearfully walked back into an evangelical community of believers, I openly talked about my journey, life, and struggles and I found others who embraced and loved me unconditionally.  I encountered others who got this thing called love.

As the world continues to talk more and more about hate, to which I have experienced first hand, lets maybe talk more about the underlying issue which is FEAR.

I have experienced hateful actions caused by peoples fears.  When you do not have answers or an understanding of something you can allow fear to rule your body, rather than love.  I encountered that within the Church and from those within the LGBT community.  What Neil McDonald is laying down in this article is actually quite scary.  He may not even see it, but he is categorizing 'all evangelical Christians and Muslims' as hateful, because their belief on homosexuality is different than the culture around them.  In this place he is fostering a posture of fear, which will only cause greater misunderstanding.  To value diversity is to say that I can have a belief which may be different than yours, yet, I will still love and care for you as a human.

In these days and during tragedies such as the Orlando shootings, let's kick fear to the curb, rather than kick one another and how about we let love win the day.